Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Well sometimes things in life do not always go as what u hv hoped for or what u had planned things out to be. In fact they may even turn out totally opposite of what u really wanted. When such things happen u can either choose to force things to bend to your will or juz accept the fact that you are just not in control of situations that happen. The former may work in some instances but in the process everyone involved might get hurt, now the latter, casulties would be definitely be much lesser. No doubt anyone will choose the latter, but still the aftermath sucks and the feeling is juz BAD.

Wonder why does it hv to be so tiring for me, but of cos i shldnt compare at all, besides everyones different, nt everyone is as dumb, lame, loud or slow as me. Probably thats why things appear the way they are now. I really need to learn how to put things down(na de qi yao hui fang de xia), probably just need time off to just let things filter out of my mind and heart. "Whatever your choice is, i'm fine with it as long as it makes u happy :)" I wouldnt say that its a sign of my maturity or whatsoever, but just that i remember some lessons in life well enough to be able to even make this statement. Once again things don't always go the way u want it to be, God might just shut he door in front of your face hard till it becomes very painful, but still He'll always open another door and redirect you somewhere else. Really do need some comforting....... But at the end of the day i just have to pick myself up and carry on walking this perilous journey we call life, cos no one will be there and take pity on u, and wldnt understand well what u're going thru and might simply comment "just move on lah!". Well the sad side of humanity, is that we are selfish beings, but only some are making the effort to be selfless.

Why am i such a coward? Why am i so afraid of things, why am i afraid to take charge of things and face the outcome rather than just waiting for it to happen to me. I need to be bolder, but looking back it seems like thats how i have led my life this past 18 years. Always being shy, and afraid to even face the music, or simply just afraid to even ask things perhaps it is because i hv an inferiority complex, where i do not feel that i possess any form of authority nor even have the looks of it, and although i know such things are nt important, inside i always seem to feel that people are despising me, or afraid that i may actually sound absurd in front of those who seem to be experts of their charge. Truth is we are all learning, and although the truth hurts sometimes or in my life most of the times, theres alot more for me to learn and change. But how??

-i need time off......